After years of battling depression, addiction, and financial collapse, Jonny Roman rebuilt his life from the inside out, emerging as a thriving coach, devoted father, and grounded leader. In this episode, he shares the turning points that made transformation not just possible, but lasting.
How do you go from depression, addiction, and even suicidal ideation… to building a thriving 6-figure coaching practice, marrying the love of your life, and raising two beautiful daughters?
That was Jonny Roman’s path.
In this episode of The Deep Coach, Jonny opens up about:
Whether you’re in the midst of a dark night of the soul or rebuilding from one, Jonny’s story offers a powerful reminder of what’s possible.
⏰ Timestamps:
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The Deep Coach Podcast
Episode 6: Jonny Roman - The Self-Made Coach: How Jonny Built a Coaching Practice from Rock Bottom
Jonny Roman: [00:00:00] I'm standing today in the impossible of yesterday. it really does feel like who and how I am today and what my life looks like was truly impossible to me five years ago. There's no way. making multiple six figures in my business, a thriving practice, loving myself a lot more confident.
Like, like, so it, I mean, it's not to say I don't have in, I've got plenty of insecurities and issues and stuff that I'm working with constantly. and it's just night and day from where I was, even five years ago,
Welcome to the Deep Coach, the podcast where we explore the transformational journeys that shape us and that propel us to change the world. I'm your host, Jonathan Ed, and in each episode we sit down with those who have journeyed into the depths of spiritual transformation and who are now reshaping the world through their presence and their work.
In listening to these incredible human beings, you'll find insight, inspiration, and practical tools that'll support your journey as a coach and [00:01:00] as a human being. Today I sit down with Johnny Roman. Johnny is a life and leadership coach with a master's degree in spiritual psychology. I. And he's also the executive director of the CFJ Coaching Success School.
Johnny has built a thriving multi six figure coaching practice and has helped hundreds of coaches build businesses that are not just profitable, but also grounded in integrity service and real transformation. But Johnny didn't arrive here by accident. He really is someone who has walked the walk in many ways.
As a young man, he struggled deeply with depression, addiction, and even suicidal ideation. His mental health challenges became the catalyst for a lifelong quest into personal and spiritual growth, which we talk about in this episode. Later, he was hit by another breaking point. This time, financial. He ran out of money.
He maxed out his credit cards, and he had to face the shame and fear that lived inside his relationship with money. That reckoning changed him as well. So in this episode, Johnny shares how he climbed out of that financial and emotional rock bottom, how he matured into a [00:02:00] grounded service centered professional.
And how fatherhood continues to stretch his heart and leadership every single day. This is a beautiful conversation filled with incredible stories and powerful lessons. Let's dive right in.
Jonathan Hermida: Johnny, welcome. It's, good to be here with you. You had mentioned, that early on in your life as a young teen, young adult, you struggled with depression, mental health challenges, even suicidal ideation. Can you share a little more about what that time period was like for you and what was going on during that time?
Jonny Roman: We're just jumping right in the deep end here.
Jonathan Hermida: We're.
Jonny Roman: I appreciate the question and appreciate you for having me on the podcast. yeah, what was that time like? it was a very painful time. It was a very confusing time. My background was very normal.
my family was great, in general, fairly normal upbringing and things like that. And, not everything was perfect, et cetera. And when I was a teenager, I [00:03:00] started to get really depressed and feel very lost. And I always felt kind of other kind of like an outsider. And, it was not a very fun experience.
I mean, it wasn't all, you know, it wasn't all awful and, and bad and things like that. I just noticed that it was just very difficult for me to come to a place of peacefulness, of, calmness of resolution inside where I felt comfortable in my own skin. and, I think that's, on some levels for teenagers that's re there, that's a relatively common experience.
And mine was pretty persistent and pervasive. And under the surface, you know, I didn't, I didn't talk about it a lot, I don't think a lot of my friends necessarily knew or, or things like that. And so it was very lonely experience as well. and challenging and in many ways, it was the impetus for what kind of drove me into looking for answers and ways to heal and support myself and find ways out of, out of that sort of, [00:04:00] inner turmoil and lack of inner peace.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate you sharing that. You know, it's, all of us have different pathways to the work, so to speak, and a lot of our childhoods Yeah, tend to be difficult for a variety of reasons. just being a young person is difficult onto itself for many reasons. And then we're contending with just upbringing, genetics.
There's all sorts of things that are factors at play into all of that. Eventually you ended up taking on healthier sort of approaches to dealing with that. What prior to going into some of those, what were some of the unhealthier coping mechanisms that at least allowed you to survive during that PA period of time?
'cause sometimes these unhealthy coping mechanisms do help on some degree.
Jonny Roman: Yeah, for sure. I mean, yeah, drugs, alcohol, food, like all these sort of addictive patterns really showed up for me. And, in many ways they supported me, right? Because they helped manage a lot of the negative, [00:05:00] feelings and, darkness and things like that would show up, for me inside.
And they gave me an opportunity to escape, to have fun for connection, you know, things like that. And, I was very clearly running away from myself, in many ways. And the, not the only mechanisms and certainly some of the most pervasive ones that started pretty early on.
And I was very fortunate to have a mother who was, she had her own traumatic experiences growing up and things like that, and she was pulled towards therapy and personal development and things like that. And she got into the world of personal development, coaching, et cetera, pretty early on, well, at least early on for me in my life.
And she took me into my first, like weekend workshop. It was like a weekend retreat. It was at the Option Institute in, in western Massachusetts. It was called The Happiness Weekend. And it was three [00:06:00] days of, you know, retreat where, it was a small group of us and the facilitators worked with people on their challenges and problems and shifting the context for them and whatnot.
And I remember walking out of that weekend feeling lighter and feeling. Not transformed, but it just, it opened up this possibility of what was possible that I had no idea. It gave me relief. And that was like the first thing that started to really pique my interest of, you know, you could work with someone, you could ask them questions, you could create a loving space for them.
You could do it in a group setting or, or a personal private setting. And they could leave on the other side feeling better. And that was like, I, I think I was 17 years old at the time. So, you know, I was fortunate that I had experiences like that when I was fairly young because of my mom. and I'm grateful for that, right?
'cause it just gave me a little bit of a [00:07:00] taste. that being said, you know, it didn't solve all my problems. And I still, spent, many years. It really wasn't until my thirties that a lot of that. Inner turmoil started to shift for me. So, you know, drugs and alcohol and food and addictive patterns and running away and all of that was definitely a part of, my coping mechanism.
Jonathan Hermida: Well into your twenties, you were saying?
Jonny Roman: Oh, yeah.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. was that experience in that event, the Happiness retreat, was that the first sort of exposure to the world of personal development that you had?
Jonny Roman: I mean, it was the first real exposure. I'm sure I had seen, I can't remember exactly, but I'm sure little books or things like that kind of came into my awareness here and there. But that was really the first, like, I went in feeling one way and a couple days later went out feeling a completely different way.
And, and it was, it was fascinating for me. it was like, it's like I want, I [00:08:00] wanted more of that. Whatever that was, you know, I wanted more of it.
Jonathan Hermida: And that was at 17. Did were there any other sort of, because you wanted more of that, did you have any other places to go to receive more of that in your twenties? I.
Jonny Roman: I mean, I was, I definitely did therapy. later on in my twenties, again, because of my mom, after college, I guess I, a little bit of the timeline of my story, I started traveling pretty young. at 19 I moved to Spain for a year and taught English there. Then I came home and completed college, and then I moved to Peru shortly after that.
And I, that sort of started this seven year, adventure, if you will, in Latin America working for a study abroad company. And so during that time, early to mid twenties, my mom, introduced me to Byron Katie and to Tony Robbins. And, I was, Byron Katie was amazing. and, but [00:09:00] Tony Robbins was like my guy.
He was like, I had it. it was, I went to his unleash the Power within four day workshop for the first time, and. I walked out of there, I walked on fire and I screamed my head off and so much occurred. It was amazing. And I watched him work with people and create these shifts in minutes of working with them.
And it was fascinating for me. You know, Byron Katie was incredible. It was a much longer, slower, quieter, more spiritual experience. And Tony Robbins was, intense and loud and, it was like a rock concert kind of thing. So it was early to mid twenties that really started to open up for me outside of therapy.
and that's really where, I got introduced to coaching was kind of through the Tony Robbins, realm, if you will. and I became a big Tony Robbins fan and went to as many workshops as I could and really started to open up this [00:10:00] awareness of. Possibility and potential power that lived inside of me that had been untapped and, woke me up to that a little more.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. So it sounds like that was a bit of a turning point, the exposure to Byron Katie and Tony Robbins and not surprising, it seems, representative of their personalities, the sort of impact that they had on you and, you know, the softer approach with Byron and the, you know, the bang approach with Tony.
what would you say was the, like the real turning point? Was it just a slow drip or was there a moment that you had.
Jonny Roman: Yeah. Well, so to to, to the point of what you were just saying, my experience, what I, um, I loved going to a Tony Robbins event because similar to the Happiness Weekend, you know, I walked in one way and I walked out completely different and I felt like I was on fire and had all this power and all of this stuff, but I noticed that.
Over time, weeks [00:11:00] or months that would start to fade. It was like the, um, you know, it was like a drug kind of in a way where I would pump myself full of adrenaline and possibility and all that. And then over time it would start to fade. And then my, uh, solution, if you will, was, I gotta go back to Tony Robbins, I gotta get another exposure, if you will.
And, and so that kind of, this like back and forth would occur for me, uh, relatively regularly where I'd, I'd, I'd have this experience, I'd feel great on the other side. And then within weeks or months, I was right back to what Tony would call your emotional home, which, which I learned later in, um, uh, Leon's work with the deep coaching that it was returning to my self concept at the time.
You know, my self-concept was, was very, um, small, I guess is the best way to describe it. Like, I, I did [00:12:00] not have a lot of confidence. I did not feel, uh, you know, good inside and good about myself in, in many ways. Um, and, and so I, I would always return to that. I would have these experiences where I could taste a different self-concept.
Um, but I hadn't yet had the healing occur that allowed that to remain where the tra like the, the shift in being, if you will, you know, to again, to use Leon's words really kind of, um, it, it, it, it, it didn't fully occur in the context of what I was attempting to do at Tony Robbins. The real shifting didn't start to occur until I attended, um, the University of Santa Monica, their master's degree in spiritual psychology, and.
That is a, uh, a, it, it was, it, it's not, um, active in the same format anymore. It was a two year master's program that [00:13:00] was essentially a deep dive into loving yourself. It was like two years of, of really, uh, doing the work, the really, really deep work, deep healing work. Um, and that was where things really started to shift for me.
Um, you know, if you can imagine like the most, like having the most loving space in the world, and the invitation is to bring all of your darkness and all of the sludge and everything into that space and just kind of pour it out so that it could be received with love, as much love as possible. Like that was the experience of the two years in that program.
One of the quotes that they, that they use a lot is a Rumi quote, um, out beyond ideas of Right doing and wrongdoing. There is a field, I will meet you there. [00:14:00] And in a way it felt like we were in Rumi's field for two years
Jonathan Hermida: Hmm.
Jonny Roman: and that's where real deep healing and transformation started to occur. Where, where shifts in releases, I guess, of just old toxic sludge of old self concepts that were not no longer serving me, that were formed very early on, um, where I could start to let them go and, and, and dump them and be received in a loving space, uh, doing that.
And that's, that's really where the shift started to occur for me. And that was in my thirties, early thirties.
Jonathan Hermida: what did you begin to notice within you as a result of that release?
Jonny Roman: Um, well, you know, spiritual psychology, one of the things I, one of the reasons I love deep coaching so much is because I always, when I discovered deep coaching and started to, [00:15:00] um, learn about it and read the book and, and, uh, and meet Leon and all of that, is I, it, it felt like the founders of, if USM, university of Santa Monica, if the founders had created a coaching program, it would look a lot like the deep coaching intensive, um, the principles and practices, you know, match each other really well.
And, uh, one of the core foundational principles is that at our of spiritual psychology, is that at our core essence, we are loving and I. That is how we are born. And that loving essence never leaves. It's always there. We just, as we live our lives, we build, uh, survival mechanisms, barriers, ways of protecting ourselves based on all the experiences we have in life.
That layer and layer and layer upon each other, and we lose access, uh, to that loving essence that is inside. And so, [00:16:00] um, really starting to touch that and tune into that and find a pathway back to that and shed some of the layers that, um, we're creating that, you know, thick in, you know, thick onion around the loving essence and having experiences of connecting to that myself and then having, uh, feeling others connecting to it, um, also and starting to believe that as actual truth.
Um. It was one of the things that, uh, one of the, you know, profound things that I discovered there and, and started to touch and feel into and et cetera.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. Then you mentioned that fantastic line that you shared with me, uh, I stand today in the impossible of yesterday.
Jonny Roman: Hmm.
Jonathan Hermida: In addition to all that you just mentioned that you went through, you also went through a bit of financial turmoil with, uh, debt accumulation and et cetera. can you share a little bit about that, [00:17:00] that next shift that you had,
Jonny Roman: Yes.
Jonathan Hermida: transformation?
Jonny Roman: Yeah. Well, you know, USM, you know, my two years there, the first two years there was a real deep dive into healing, like personal healing traumas and, um, low self concepts and, and things like that. And, um. And then, uh, a couple years later, uh, I had a bit of an awakening, if you will, a painful one in the realm of money I had had.
Um, I've had a little bit of, uh, a little bit of an inheritance for my grandmother that, uh, you know, wasn't hugely life changing in any respect. And it kept me okay. It kept me, you know, comfortable. Uh, and as I like to describe it, it made it possible for me to hide. Um, [00:18:00] and, and so, uh, that started to run out.
I started to run outta money. And not only that, I had such an unhealthy relationship with, with money and a ton of fear around it that, uh, I was also swipe, swipe, swipe and my credit card or, uh, all the time and just racking up tons and tons of debt. Um, in addition to some student loans that I had. And, uh, I found myself in 20 17, 20 18 outta money and outta debt.
And it was a huge, huge confronting awakening. Very, very painful. Um, I was forced to look at, you know, how I was relating to money and how I was, uh, treating money and the fear and shame that I had around money. Um, and, uh, what it meant to, you know, become an adult, I guess you could say, like [00:19:00] relate to money.
And, uh, there was a book that I read called The Seven Stages of Money Maturity. And, um, I, I, I, I, the, the book in and of itself, I, I don't actually remember that much of the book to be honest. However, I love the idea of money maturity and having a mature relationship with my money. And so that sort of started this, um, process, if you will, of shifting my relationship with money and, uh, becoming mature with it, if you will.
And I got, you know, we started diving, my wife and I started diving into, um, you know, all sorts of money, books and, and things like that. And then we got a money, a financial coach that really, uh, taught us how to budget and how to think about our money and how to become really good stewards of our money.
And, um, and so that was a huge [00:20:00] transformation for me. You know, it's, it's, it's a process. You know, it's not an event, something that I'm continuously working on. Um, and I'm really clear, right, you know, now that I'll never be, uh, I'll never go into debt again. Um, I'm very careful with my money. I never carry balances.
Uh, and credit cards. Um, for the, for a time being, I didn't use credit cards at all. It was just everything was debit card. Um, and, uh, and now I feel like I have a much more comfortable, more solid relationship with money than I did before. And it's, you know, it's not perfect. Um, it's still a work in progress and there was a significant evolution there over the past, I don't know, eight years or so.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. I mean, this is a topic that I know many coaches struggle with, many people struggle with, you know, especially those of us that go into self-employment, and try to make it, there's a lot of debt that we accrue as a result, and there's a lot of fears around money that ensue. what are some [00:21:00] what I mean, I, you don't have to go into great detail, but the climb is, is an arduous one.
I've been through it myself. You know what, what was that? Climb out of it like for you?
Jonny Roman: Um, I was just talking to someone the other day. I. About some of their money shame. Uh, and one of the things I shared with her was, uh, Brene Brown says that, um, shame thrives in darkness and dies in the light. And one of the things that I had to do was start bringing light into the, the, the, the places that I had shame around money.
So, you know, sharing with my mom, for example, that I'd spent all the money and was in a ton of debt, uh, having real conversations with my wife around, uh, money and, and, and things like that. Looking at my budget and, I mean, it took me, my financial coach, like it took me at least six months. [00:22:00] To start being willing to look at my budget and, and definitely a year before it became commonplace.
Now I look at it almost every day. Um, and I'm constantly looking at my money and assign, you know, downloading all my expenses and tracking and all of that. Like, I'm, I'm looking at it all the time. I know exactly, uh, sort of where my money's going and what my, my financial picture looks like, and, uh, and all of that.
Um, and, and that, that was a, that was a long process to get to that point where I would be willing to actually face my money and face the questions like, oh, I, you know, I overspent there. Okay, now what are we gonna do? How are we gonna adjust and, and move things around? Um. That was, uh, yeah, I mean it really, it really took me some time.
Now I'm in the place I like the next evolution for me is, is where there's a lot of discomfort, uh, still is in the, in the realm of investing and learning all about that. [00:23:00] And I'm in the infant stages around that and very aware of the fear that comes up for me around that. And knowing that it is a next level and evolution for me.
And, uh, and, and I haven't quite started down that path yet, so I'm aware of, of the next kind, uh, you know, shoot up from the plateau, if you will.
Jonathan Hermida: Sure. So someone who might be listening to this, that may be in the tangles of financial debt or, or, or a poor relationship with money in general, what advice might you give them to begin making their way out of it?
Jonny Roman: Um, I mean, let the light in is the first and foremost. Like, what needs to happen? Who do you need to be honest with? Uh, what conversation do you need to have? Um, and then, I mean, I, I guess, you know, one could say like, [00:24:00] start a budget. Um, uh, it's certainly an extraordinarily helpful way of, uh, wrapping your mind around money and your financial picture.
So I do highly recommend that. Um, and if it's not something that you can do on your own than get support, you know, our financial coach, we still work with her, um, six, seven years later. Uh, she was hugely instrumental in, in supporting us. Um, so, you know, coaching can have impacts in significant in all kinds of different areas and.
Uh, and, and this one was, uh, it was very, very helpful to have support. Uh, and we found her through Dave Ramsey.
Jonathan Hermida: Okay. Got it. Got it. So it's interesting, you were struggling with money and there were two investments that you made in spite of the debt that you had accumulated in the financial standing that you had. [00:25:00] One was with this financial coach and the other one I believe was with the business coach training, uh, institute.
Is that right?
Jonny Roman: yeah, that is, yeah,
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. Can you share more about that decision? Like, okay, this is my financial picture. I'm still gonna go into further debt to figure this out, and climb out this way.
Jonny Roman: yeah. so. the financial coach was an easier decision. at the time. It wasn't a huge investment, for us. it was manageable. It was within, I wasn't, I was working part-time, bringing in some money. My wife, she's, she's a coach as well, and she was bringing in, money.
And so, we were able to do the financial coach relatively not easily, and it felt manageable and accessible. the CFJ Coaching Success School, was a whole other story. And that was, if you asked about a moment, and if there, there is, [00:26:00] I guess if I'm really thinking about like a moment where a shift occurred in my life,
I had been wanting to be a coach. a lot of people that go to the University of Santa Monica and have the master's in spiritual psychology transition into coaching. It's a common, path. It's not, you know, people can use it for all sorts of things, and it's a common path. And, and so afterwards, you I'd been dabbling with coaching.
my wife was a coach. She was getting a lot of success with it. and so I was sort of seeing that as a model. And I also had accumulated all this material and experience over, you know, nearly two decades of trying to support myself and find an answer to my, mental health challenges and struggles and had actually gotten success with it and, feeling so much better.
and my relationship with myself was so much, so much better. And I knew, that I wanted to share it. I wanted to, you know, be of support for [00:27:00] others and share what I had learned. and also, I mean from an, you know, my, my ego part of I would watch Tony Robbins and Byron Kay, all these people, like create these incredible changes for people.
And I want, you know, I loved that it was a, it's just like magic to me. It was incredible. and so there's a part of my ego that like, wanted to be involved in that and, and make Im an i a positive impact on people's lives and, and things like that. And I just had a lot of fear and, even though a lot had occurred for me, there was still a lot of insecurity that was running my life.
Um, uh, the founder of the CFJ School, um, Carolyn Frayer Jones once described it to me as my small self versus my high self. And that my small self was running the show. The part, you know, the part of me that believed that I was less than that, you know, was really kind of buying into that story. And, um, [00:28:00] so very, you know, it was very difficult to grow a coaching practice when my small self was running the show with glimpses of my high self, uh, you know, my, my true self, my authentic self, my core essence, uh, coming in here and there.
And, um, and so I really wanted the, uh, to be, to be a coach. And I was kind of floundering in that department and I had a big fight. I got in a big fight with my wife and I'd known about the CFJ school. I'd been talking to Carolyn for a few months. She had been attempting to enroll me and we got in this big fight, me and my wife.
And essentially, uh, you know, she's like, you gotta shit her. Get off the pot. Kind of thing. Like it's, you can't keep going like this 'cause it's not working. So it's either like coaching or you find a job, you gotta find a job, basically. And I remember being so, uh, [00:29:00] angry and angry at her for calling me out and angry at myself for, uh, you know, living from my small self for so long and buying into all those stories and victimhood and all of that.
And I, I, I left the house and I went to a coffee shop and I, and I spent like four hours looking for jobs and I, um. EE everything that I found that I thought I was relatively capable of doing was either for the same amount of money that I was currently scraping together with, uh, you know, I was like, I was doing a little bit of coaching and then I had a part-time job, and then I was driving Uber and Lyft on Friday and Saturday nights to make extra income.
So I was scraping together 35, 40 k. Uh, and so all the jobs that I found were kind of in that range. And then I found one job and I was like, okay, you know, I think I could do that. [00:30:00] And it was like a 60 or 70 k job. And then I, and I was like, yeah, but I would just be doing it for the money and I would be miserable.
And I knew in that moment that like, I couldn't, I couldn't choose that without giving myself the chance to go for it. And. And so I went to sleep that night and the next morning I woke up and as soon as I woke up, uh, I woke up earlier than normal, like 5:00 AM which I, ITI, at that time I didn't do. And it was like this little mind worm just sort of, it was like, you know, God speaking to me, the universe, like c you know, CFJ coaching school.
Like, it just like this, like the answer kind of just popped into my mind and I couldn't get it outta my head. It was just like, almost yelling at me, you know? I dunno if you ever had that experience of intuition just sort of [00:31:00] screaming at you and it's almost impossible to ignore. And, um, and so I was like, okay.
And I had to take out a loan in order to join the school, and I did it. Um, and it was a, it was a big leap of faith for sure. Uh, and it was the best decision I've ever made. Hands down. One of, I guess I, I'll say that.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. You've made a few good decisions. It sounds like your wife is one of them.
Jonny Roman: Uh, a hundred, a hundred percent million percent. She, she, she saw my light and my high self long before I could,
Jonathan Hermida: Hmm. What was that like to be seen in that light by someone long before you felt it?
Jonny Roman: well, I didn't believe it and I fought her a lot on it. Um, so, uh, at times it was, I think, you know, on, on the deeper part of me could really hear it and receive it, and the, uh, the, the, the more surface level wanted to [00:32:00] argue for my limitations.
Jonathan Hermida: Hmm.
Jonny Roman: And so I could, uh, I was very good at arguing for my limitations.
Jonathan Hermida: Sure. Sure.
Jonny Roman: Yeah. So, uh, yeah, it, it, it could create a lot of challenges. And, and then, you know, when, when I had the experience of, um, I. Really connecting with myself and my core essence, and then knowing that she has always been there in my corner. It, it really, uh, yeah, it just deepened.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah, it's so special to have someone in your corner in that way, and it's grace in so many ways to have that. What did you learn in the CFJ Success School that allowed you then to become a professional coach in the way that you've become?
Jonny Roman: yeah. Uh, so it did my first year in the school, I did it for two years. And the distinction, one of the first distinctions that I learned was a [00:33:00] distinction between your pref professional self and your social self. And I realized that. I hadn't been treating the business as a professional from my professional self.
I hadn't been, you know, showing up for it. I hadn't been consistent, I hadn't been disciplined in, in certain ways. I had, I had been relating to it more as a referendum on me. And less about what it act actually is, is about being with whoever I'm, I'm sitting with about creating a space that, uh, that where, where transformation can occur, where new insights and discoveries can occur.
And, um, and so it, it wasn't about me doing it, it was about me just holding space, which I could do. 'cause I had been through a lot of inner turmoil. So I have deep compassion for, uh, for pain. And I. I love holding, loving open space for [00:34:00] people. It's, it's one of my favorite things to do, like judgment free, neutral, loving space, and, and then connecting that as, uh, sort of what, what I'm supposed to do with showing up consistently.
Um. For my business at like, becoming mature with my business in a similar way of becoming mature with my money. Uh, that was one of the biggest, most profound shifts that started to occur for me that first year. And, and also another thing was, uh, we talked about permission to get messy and giving ourselves permission to get messy, which for me was huge because I had this, you know, I'm like, I need to get it right.
It needs to look perfect. It needs to, I need to be like Tony Robbin, you know, all, like, all this stuff. And I had to really give myself permission to just let all that go. Like, it's not gonna be perfect. I'm gonna get it wrong. I'm gonna [00:35:00] mess up. I'm gonna say the wrong thing. I'm gonna, yeah. I'm just gonna flub it.
I'm gonna be human, basically. And I had to let that be okay. I had to give myself permission to be human. And sometimes being human is messy in the name of practice and progress. So, uh, so yeah, I mean that, those were just two of many, many distinctions that I got.
Jonathan Hermida: sure, sure. What, what did it look like to be a mature professional while being a better said, a mature, messy professional in the early onset? What did that begin to look like?
Jonny Roman: Um, well, it meant, uh, doing the work like, you know, CFJ School. It's, it's a six month program for people who don't know a six month program, uh, designed specifically for coaches to [00:36:00] teach them how to, um, have a successful thriving coaching business and doing it in a heart-centered service-oriented way. Um, and so, uh.
You know, there's a, there's a process in terms of what they talk about in terms of making connections with people, inviting them into conversations and creating powerful experiences for them so they have a, a, an experience of your coaching and, you know, creating and having a trusted source be, excuse me, becoming a trusted source of transformation in our communities.
And, uh, and so really starting to look at myself, uh, through that lens that, you know, my goal is to be of service to people. How can I be of service to people? So, um, how can I have conversations with people that are, uh, of value in, in some way providing value in some small way? Uh, or if I see potential in someone, how can I invite them into a conversation where we can, you know, look at, [00:37:00] uh, whatever it is that they want to work on, and, and, um, and then create an experience inside of that conversation that.
Uh, helps them kind of expand their, um, their vision and, uh, and how, and see how coaching can support them. So, you know, it, it means being in like my butt in seats at my computer, you know, looking for ways that I can serve, reaching out to people, inviting them, uh, connecting either online or, uh, or sometimes going out into the community, um, to make connections and, and things like that so that I can start to engage with the world.
Also, it looked like, uh, offering complimentary coaching sessions to people so that I could just have the experience of coaching and get better at coaching and, and things like that. And then just kind of being out in the world and, uh, letting people know that I'm a coach. And then referrals, uh, also started to [00:38:00] show up and, and.
Yeah, like, like really treating it like a business where before I was, you know, oh, you know, gotta do my laundry. Or, oh, there's some dirty dishes in the sink. Okay. And things like that. And really kind of pushing a lot of that out of the way and being focused on what my intention was, which was to grow my business and to serve.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. Yeah. So you eventually built a six figure practice. If a lot of coaches are gonna be listening to this, a lot of coaches that are seeking to build out a practice are seeking, are gonna be listening to this, what advice do you have for them? So you mentioned having, you know, establishing connections, having as many conversations as possible, perhaps offering free coaching, getting confident in your coaching skills so that you feel confident in the enrollment process.
So what does it take to get from those conversations to eventually a six figure business?
Jonny Roman: Consistency and [00:39:00] practice. And I guess I would say getting coached as always sharpening the tool. and I don't necessarily mean, having a one-on-one coach that's not always accessible. And I'm really clear that my success is directly related, correlated to, one, my, my willingness to be coach in whatever environment.
Whether that was, the deep coaching intensive or the CFJ school or getting my own coach or any other program or anything like that where I could get coached in some way, where I could be shown my blind spots, I could be called out and really going for it, like being really vulnerable in those spaces so that, you're being as accurate as possible in that space.
So absolutely getting coached on some level in whatever way that looks. it doesn't need to be even free coaching, right? So if you don't have the financial means or anything like that, like even free coaching is better than no coaching. 'cause that [00:40:00] hands down made the biggest impact for me.
And I'm really clear that I will never, I'll never be without a coach anymore and or some kind of, format or environment that is challenging me and calling me forward and, and, uh, helping me see my stories and things like that because it, without that, I'm sort of floundering out in the world. I remember after the first year of the CFJ coaching school, my business tripled, um, my income triple.
I think the, before I went in, I was at around 18 k that I had made in coaching in one year, and the first year had tripled to about 56, 58, something like that. And then the school ended in June. And I had like a full calendar and all of that. And by September, my calendar was like empty again. And and I was just floundering.
I'm like, what do I do? I don't even know what to do anymore. I, and it was, it was just so clear to [00:41:00] me that having some kind of container, something that keeps me structured, that keeps me consistent, that was magic for me. and it's, it is like the core ingredient. And again, even if it's free, start a group with friends or it doesn't matter.
Like it doesn not need to be a financial investment or commitment. Just have some structure that keeps you focused and on the path. 'cause life is gonna wanna take you off that path all the time. both external life and your inner world as well.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. And that part of our mind that's designed to protect us, you know, the amygdala that's designed to keep us psychologically safe is so clever in its ways and its ways of rationalizing something else to do, but the essential things you need to do to build your business. You were mentioning doing the laundry, washing the dishes.
It could even be things like tinkering on your website or you know, your social media profile, the non-essential tasks that are [00:42:00] needed to actually bring in revenue. Right,
Jonny Roman: or such a great one is doing coaching trainings and reading books. it's like, Hey, I'm working on my business 'cause I'm improving myself. And it's like, yes. And those are not revenue generating activities. It's very important. I'm hugely in favor of, As I said, sharpening the sword like, as often as you can, like you wanna download new material and fine tune your coaching and learn new things and all of that.
And just be clear that it's not growing your, that's not growing your business. Those are not revenue generating activities.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. what are other, right, right. What are other mistakes that for aspiring business owners, aspiring, professional coaches make outside of not focusing on revenue generating activities, which is an essential one, A key one that shows up quite often.
Jonny Roman: well, not getting coached in some manner or fashion, like going it alone. I, you know, [00:43:00] guilty of that one. not doing gen revenue generating activities and overly focusing on improving themselves. Guilty as charged. Not having a system, like just sort of figuring it out, attempting to figure it out on your own sort of thing.
Similar to, to go it alone. it's just, there's so much good information out there. There's Fanta. I mean, uh, Carolyn who founded the CFJ Coaching School just came out with a fantastic book called the Total Coaching Success Book. That's a brilliant book. It's the entire CFJ coaching school in a book.
there's another great book called The Prosperous Coach by Steve Chandler and Rich Lipman, another fabulous book. there's so much material out there, so many systems people have developed that work. that it, it's so, it's just, it's just valuable to, to look at what has already been done out there and then follow a system and, and find one that works for you.
Yeah. and then [00:44:00] not being consistent, like really, I think one of probably the biggest mistakes is coaches get caught up in, in the sort of lifestyle that's sold online of what, know, the coaching career looks like and all the freedom and everything that, it provides, et cetera. And they forget that it's, at its core, it's a real business and you've gotta work the real business and you gotta show up for the real business and be a professional with it.
And it doesn't magically, you know, six figures and six weeks and all that stuff that like, you know, just the Instagram ification of the coaching industry. it's just not true. and so I, I think people get caught up in that kind of, myth and fantasy and. And then they start doing it and it gets really hard and they're like, well, this isn't what it's supposed to be like.
And so they throw their hands up or despair, hits, et cetera, and, [00:45:00] and they give up.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah.
Jonny Roman: So giving up too early and too soon is also another thing.
Jonathan Hermida: How did you become executive director of the CFJ Coaching Success School?
Jonny Roman: Yeah. so I did two years at the program as a student, and found a lot of success, while doing that. And then, my prior career I was a, I worked at a, it was, it was like, service learning. Study abroad, international ed program. we had, program sites all over the world. This was in Latin America specifically, and I was a country director and regional director, and eventually global programs director.
So I had a lot of sort of experience, administrative experience. And then, early on in my coaching career, I worked with or for another coach, I was, his assistant, learning from him. And [00:46:00] he ran events and he would put on these three day workshops and they would be hybrid, so he would have people zoom in and also have people in the room.
And this was in like 20 16, 20 17. Fairly early on, before hybrid be, you know, every, everything exploded with the pandemic. And so when, when the pandemic happened, the school went all virtual. And then as they started to have conversations about, bringing it back and, and potentially doing hybrid, they knew that I had experience with that before.
'cause I had been talking to them, about, and sharing my thoughts and ideas on it. And, and so it was just, it was a perfect match. Like I had experience running hybrid, I had a lot of administrative experience, and I, had been a student of the school had gotten success using the principles and practices of the school.
And so it was just, it was a perfect, it was a perfect match. And, [00:47:00] the founder and I share our, USM spiritual psychology background. So just, it just, uh, it was a perfect fit. So, yeah, so I'm, I'm thinking my fifth year or going into my fifth year,
Jonathan Hermida: fantastic. what is it like to be in, sort of have the leadership cap versus the sort of solopreneur cap?
Jonny Roman: I, I love it. You know, I, I look at leadership as, the willingness and ability to, work on yourself and grow. that's how I think about leadership. And I'm not. I, I, I, I'm not like any different than any of the coaches in the room. I'm just a little further down the path, than they are just in the realm of my coaching business.
and so I, I, it's, I just, I love being a part of the school. I love being in the room. I am inspired by all the coaches and, it's just a room full of people all sharing a similar vision of growing their coaching business and having a positive [00:48:00] impact in the world. what's not to love?
You know, it's just, and, and not only that, but willing to get uncomfortable and challenge themselves and stretch themselves and, and really be leaders in their own right in terms of their willingness to grow and be vulnerable and work on their, um, uh, their own self concepts. It's awesome. I mean, it's, it's, it's so cool.
I love it.
Jonathan Hermida: It is awesome. It is awesome. What was it like to become a father?
Jonny Roman: I was never fully on the, I really wanna be a father train. I was, I, I was so afraid of my own mental health and so unsure of, my ability to be, a grounded, solid, father figure for, for my children. and so I had a lot of fear around it. and so, you know, when my [00:49:00] wife got, we had a pretty long, an arduous pregnancy journey.
our are. first daughter was, her fifth pregnancy, and the first four we lost, and the first time she got pregnant, I noticed this, like excitement inside of me. And when we lost the baby, it like this heartbreak that had occurred inside. And it was really quite shocking to me because I didn't know that I had any, like, real connection.
It was still, it was fairly early on. I think she was, or the, it was, my wife was only at about 10 weeks or something along those lines. So it was fairly early on and I didn't realize that I had that some emotional connection inside. So then when our first daughter was finally born and came to term and she was born, I felt.
I could feel this like, click inside of my brain. It was, I, I [00:50:00] don't know how to describe it other than that. It was just like, it was instantaneous as soon as she came out. And I just felt this very deep connection to her. And I, I knew some, you know, I knew something had changed and it was, it was, uh, pri it was a prim, like a primal experience of just deep connection to someone I had just met for the first, you know, literally seconds earlier.
And, so it's been a phenomenal exploration into like. You know, biology inside of me and the biological like connection that I have to my daughters. And, and even after my, the second, my second daughter was born having like postpartum depression that occurred and things like that. And, it's just, it is just been a fascinating journey.
And then, to see how natural it felt to me. there's all these [00:51:00] other areas in my life that I have tremendous doubt around. And when it came to my daughter, it's, well, I, my, my first daughter because this is when the awareness was happening. Like, I had total trust and confidence in myself, like that I truly loved her and everything that I was doing was for her.
Her highest good as best I could. And, and it was, it was actually kind of an amazing, experience to, to feel that, that trust in myself that, was absent in so many other areas of my life. So as they get older, that's, I can't say that is as present. 'cause, it gets messier as, as kids get older and more complicated and complex.
But the, the avenue of love between us is, uncomplicated and uncomplex. And that's a really beautiful experience.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. What is it like to manage two little ones while growing a business, managing everything that you're managing your wife as [00:52:00] well? What is that process like?
Jonny Roman: Well, I'm not managing my wife, I.
Jonathan Hermida: Wife managing all of that as well.
Jonny Roman: Um, as like, she manages me more than anything. it's, it's a lot. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, it's, especially going from one to two, children was a big shift for me. I kept fooling myself into believing, like, oh, been through this before and, we got this. And then I was like, oh my God, I don't got this. it's, yeah, it's a lot. it's, you know, my relationship with my time has shifted in terms of my time is at much more of a premium now than before. I. And, uh, uh, I have to think about it differently and be more intentional and focused. And I'm not perfect at that. I'm just aware that's, what I'm [00:53:00] constantly aspiring to is to be more effective and efficient with my time and aware of that as part of my responsibility.
so yeah, I've had to really work around that and really work around and challenge, when the part of me wants to just kinda take a step back and scroll on my phone and, disconnect and all of that. I, sometimes I indulge it and I, I am, I'm definitely, you know, more aware of, Hey, I've got very limited time here.
And so I need to create inside of that. So yeah, it's been, yeah, I'm still working on it. I'm still figuring it out.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. I mean, they're young girls, so it's an evolving process.
Jonny Roman: Yeah. It's,
Jonathan Hermida: you mentioned fears around your own biology and ability to hold space for kids and raise children. What have you learned about yourself as a result of being a father now?
Jonny Roman: well, going through the [00:54:00] USM program, the spiritual psychology, I learned what it meant to hold space and to hold space for others, pain and emotions. And so when my daughters started having tantrums, I found that I was able to move into that space inside more. more consistently than I think I would've been able to five or 10 years ago.
and so I'm aware of, even in parenting, I can draw on spiritual psychology and my own past experiences and the struggles and whatnot that I had in order to help me have presence with them. I also learned about what, you know, love and what love means in completely different ways. I mean, I, they taught me about love in ways that I, I had, I had no [00:55:00] idea.
Absolutely none. I thought I had some experiences with love with my wife and family and things like that. This was just a whole other level of, what it's like to have that, the way I describe it is a, it's like a lane that is clean and clear. There's no complications there, you know, there's no, there's no stumbling uh, resentments or anything like that.
It's just like a clear avenue. and, I started to, ask the question, what if it's possible here? Can it be possible everywhere else? if that lane is clear, can I create that loving in a different lane? And that it, that is a work in progress. You know, it shows me where my own barriers are to my own loving another spiritual psych psychology.
Rumi quote is, your task is not to seek for love, but to find all the barriers that [00:56:00] you have, put up against it or some, something along those lines and spiritual psychology says, and to dissolve them. And so it's kind of a continual challenge of myself to be like, okay, you're, you can, you know, you can have that.
I didn't even know I could until I became a father. So how can I start to work on that and clear and dissolve any of the barriers that I have in other places, and that I'm will be a lifelong endeavor?
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. What are you most looking forward to in the near to long-term future?
Jonny Roman: Hmm. you brought up that quote. that I like to use to describe my life, which is I'm standing today in the impossible of yesterday. it really does feel like who and how I am today and what my life looks like was truly impossible to me five years ago. There's no way. I mean, [00:57:00] making multiple six figures in my business, a thriving practice, loving myself like a lot more confident.
it's not to say I don't have in, I've got plenty of insecurities and issues and stuff that I'm working with constantly. and it's just night and day from where I was, even five years ago, 10 years ago. And. And so I'm most looking forward to discovering what more impossibles there are for me to live into and to grow into things that I can't even begin to imagine or fathom, you know?
And, and, and searching for that and looking for that and, and looking for the, the things that can lead me in that direction. and I don't know what those are. there's more healing available to me. There's more growth, there's more self-awareness, there's more practice. there's more impact that I can make and create, and I, I don't even know, you know, what that means or looks like.
And I'm excited to discover that.
Jonathan Hermida: [00:58:00] Hmm. If you had the opportunity to have a conversation with a version of you five or 10 years ago, what would you tell him?
Jonny Roman: I don't know. I'm just, feeling of love and compassion. Deep compassion is what's coming up for me. it, it's like, I don't know if he could, if I told him, you're gonna be okay. I don't know if he could have heard that fully.
if I could say like, yeah, you're gonna be okay and all of this is for you in some way. I don't think he could have heard me. He had to experience it and go through the experience.
Jonathan Hermida: Yeah.
Jonny Roman: Yeah.
Jonathan Hermida: And yet it wasn't the you of today that got you here. It was that version of you that with an incredible amount of courage and doubt, I. Bit by bit, day by day, piece by piece built the life that you're now living. when I think [00:59:00] back at my younger self, I, I get teary eyed. I choke up because it does require so much courage.
You're looking in the face of the abyss, especially when everything around you seems to be crumbling, when nothing seems to be going right, when you know finances, whatever the factors are, and yet that person is still facing and looking into that and taking action. That then leads to where you now are today, which is quite incredible.
Jonny Roman: Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah, just never stop, you know, like the really younger part of me wanted to stop and give up a lot. Like, you know, the ultimate give up. I. Was sort of really present, in my awareness, a lot of taking my own life. And, and, he had no idea what was possible 20 years, 10 years in the future, 15 years in the future.
He had no idea. He wished and dreamed, and hoped and wanted it so [01:00:00] bad and could not find a path there. And then, to be able to stand here now and look back, then it's, yeah, it's. Tony Robbins, another Tony Robbins quote where he says, when you can make your worst day or your worst moment, your best day, meaning like you can change the context of the worst, shit that you went through and the experiences, and then realize that they were for you in some way.
That they are what made today possible. like that's real power. that's real transformation. and really, shifting your relationship with life in a beautiful way. And it's not easy to do and it's a journey, to get there. and I'm still going through it, it's, I am far from cooked and far from done and, and, so much more growth that's available to [01:01:00] me.
that's what I love about coaching and. Even deep coaching and it's just like our potential truly is limitless, like our ability to expand and grow. There's never an ending to that. It is, there's always another level and it's wild. when you like, have experiences that actually show you that and make it real, it's wild and it's profound.
Jonathan Hermida: It really is. Yeah. As we wrap up the conversation, if you could leave listeners with an invitation, so something that they can reflect on our practice in their own transformational journeys, what might that be?
Jonny Roman: the thing that comes up for me is the power of vulnerability. And, letting the light in as much as possible. and, if all you can do is do that in private ways for writing, or there's one person, like a therapist or a coach or a friend or something where you [01:02:00] can get out whatever the things that are in that are, keeping the, keeping you stuck or afraid or shameful or anything like that.
Like just letting the light in as much as possible. cause in, at least in my experience, being willing to do that, as scary as it is allowed for, me to. Start shedding some of those layers. Start shedding layers of fear and shame and doubt and insecurity, and getting support or a shift in thinking, or a shift in being, you know, as, as much as you can raise your hand to get coached, raise your hand to get, therapy, raise your hand to, for a workshop, like whatever, so that you can start challenging yourself and getting curious about what are the stories that I'm making up that really aren't true, I'm holding as true and are holding me back.
Jonathan Hermida: Hmm,
Jonny Roman: And the more you can do that [01:03:00] relentlessly, the more you can do that, the more it becomes possible.
Jonathan Hermida: hmm. Speaking of vulnerability and letting the light in, I just want to thank you so much for your vulnerability and sharing your light with us. It's, you shine brightly as a result of all the darkness that you experienced and all the courage that you had to move through that darkness, and your story is such an inspiring testament to humanity, to, to a human being.
Just experiencing some of the most difficult things that a human being can experience and having the most difficult thoughts a human being can have, and yet, make your way through it and be here to bring life into this world with your daughters. Bring a business into this world that is impacting others, helping others to do the same.
it is just a such a beautiful creation that you have created for yourself here. and I wanna thank you for sharing it with us.
Jonny Roman: Thank you is, one of my, mentors and coaches and a woman that I just have deep respect for. Her name's Sandy [01:04:00] Sullivan. She says, she's really clear, just like I am really clear that I'm both a mess and a masterpiece and there's a real both and there. Like I, I have, I am very messy and I'm also, loving that essence inside of me that truly is a masterpiece and just like every single one of us.
And, so I find comfort in knowing that I can be both.
Jonathan Hermida: Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you for being a mess and a masterpiece here with us.
Jonny Roman: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Real pleasure.
Jonathan Hermida: Thank you so much for being with us today. To learn more about today's guest visit our podcast landing page at www.podcast.centerfortransformationalcoaching.com. You'll find links to their website, social media, and anything else they might wanna share there. And if you're curious to explore more about our work, our trainings, or the deep coaching approach.
You'll find everything at www.centerfortransformationalcoaching.com. A new episode of this podcast releases [01:05:00] every two weeks, so please subscribe wherever you listen to. Stay up to date. Until next time, stay present, embrace love, and continue sensing into what life is calling you toward. See you soon.